In the U.S., we are conditioned to seek “success”; it’s baked into the American Dream. How many books have been sold about the secrets to success? Everyone wants a piece of the success pie. But what success looks like to each person is very different and you want to make sure you are seeking success of your own making versus a version of success espoused by family, peers or society at large. When we pursue success based on others’ definitions of it, we are fairly likely to end up miserable.

It’s important to know that success and happiness are not the same thing, so if you are ultimately seeking happiness, that is another blog post. The Oxford dictionary defines success as “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.” In the U.S., those aims often equate to wealth, status and/or power, but there are many problems with this definition. For one, what happens when you attain those things? Oftentimes, you spend the majority of your time and energy trying to maintain them because success isn’t a permanent state of being. Staying successful becomes its own hamster wheel, and many people can’t sustain it. All you have to do is look at fallen icons who “had everything” and ended up self-destructing or losing their fortunes. Or politicians who will say or do anything to make sure they stay in power.